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A Modest Proposal Concerning Cannabis

The controversies of marijuana stir up conversation at the table where families can pass their blunt around as they share their stories and perspectives on drug use. Those who believe marijuana should remain illegal in the United States (other than Colorado of course) emphasize its destructive nature on young minds. Those who propose the legalization of marijuana emphasize its economic value, end to War on Drugs, and health benefits for glaucoma and other epidemics. Maybe their proposals are a bit slurred, but the argument remains strong. Marijuana should be legal in the United States.

There has been a huge shift in thinking on drug policy, as more people question the effect of the war on drugs on law enforcement expenditures, overcrowded prisons, marginalized communities and violent drug cartels. It is ultimately better for the overall public health, for law and order and for society if marijuana is a legal, regulated and controlled product for adults. But, what are the necessary steps in legalizing marijuana in the United States? I propose my own thoughts, which I hope will be accepted by legislators in the near future.

Local communities should establish marijuana horticulture clubs on school campuses. Any person who doesn’t perceive this solution as a viable option is either legally blind, lives in Canada, or “can see Russia from their house.” Establishing marijuana horticulture clubs on elementary school campuses can connect students to the values of nature, and the meaning of “subconscious freedom, mannn.” The kids can learn how to grow the weed, and the teenagers can properly learn how to smoke it.

Agricultural practice is the only way to really educate youths on marijuana safety and regulation. This practice also saves money for the users and consumers, as their weed is stored in a local garden (not behind an alleyway or dumpster). Not only will the drug be easily accessible, but parents can smoke during those drastic parent-teacher meetings. They can snag a quick break between their work and their child’s anxiety-induced breakdowns. Anyway, local weed gardens will harvest close knit communities and filtrate diversity into our backyards. Obviously, “diversity” indicates the options of growable cannabis such as Sativa, Ruderalis, and Indica.

Testimony from advocates of this proposal:

“Amazing proposal -- law enforcement should get on this immediately” - The New York Times. 

“Smoke weed everyday” - President Barack Obama. 

“Never heard anything more reasonable in my entire life” - Snoop Dogg. 


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Liz Stewart wishes she had the same amount of goals as the couple in the back of this bio photo. She is a 16-year-old child who lives a solitary life in Los Angeles, California writing half-assed jokes and watching nostalgic reruns of Billy Mays OxiClean commercials. She also writes a little poetry, and voraciously doodles on the wrong answers of her trig homework. 

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